6 Questions that can change your life

Many of us get to a point in our lives where we have played by the rules and done everything we were supposed to do, but still don’t feel happy or satisfied – so what now? How do we claim for ourselves lives of invigorating passion and purpose when we feel trapped or dragged down by the vestiges of lives we have already committed to?

The following 6 six questions will help you to uncover your own personal vision of the life you were meant to live.

Sl #	The Right Question	The Wrong Question
	Who am I?	Who should I be?
	Why am I here?	What do I want?
	Where do I belong?	What is my position?
	Whom do I love?	What do I own?
	Who loves me?	What am I worth?
	How can I be true to myself?	How can I gain approval?

If some of these questions seem difficult to answer, give yourself a few days to reflect on it. Remember – these questions may seem simple, but they strike very close to our souls and may take some time and courage, to answer. There is no need to hurry or pressure yourself. Your vision will be there when you are ready to uncover it.

Who am I?

The answer to this question lies in discovering (perhaps rediscovering) the talents, temperaments and traits that make up our core personalities. Some of us may have lost touch with the people we are at our core as a consequence of powerful external influences, such as others expectations for us. It is only after we have some sense of who we are that we can begin to assess whether the lifestyle we are living is really a good fit for us. Without of this sense of who we are, we remain vulnerable to outside influences – to trying to be who others believe we should be. For example is the real, inner you an introvert or an extrovert, spontaneous or playful, aggressive or compromising?

Why am I here?

It is possible for our journey through life to be guided by two very different kinds of motivation. On the one hand, we can be guided by continually asking ourselves what do I want? This outlook on life drives us outward, making us vulnerable to the influence of sophisticated marketing and advertising technologies. It also usually leaves us feeling only temporary satisfaction, for this question continually invites us to want what is new. A life devoted to the pursuit of what we want can easily turn us into careening pinballs, constantly changing direction under the influence of external forces. In contrast, when we seek an answer to why am I here?  We are moved to look within ourselves for the answer. We are more likely to discover there an answer - and a path – that can sustain us over time. What, do you sense, is your purpose of being here?

Where do I belong?

One way to define our place in the world is through the position we hold in some social, professional or economic hierarchy. From this perspective, our sense of who we are becomes a matter of comparison, like first-class, second-class, third-class passengers sailing on the ship of life. Viewed through this psychological lens, life is essentially a competitive process, one that renders us vulnerable to jealously and envy. On the other hand, seeking to find an answer to where do I belong? moves us away from defining ourselves and our place in the world exclusively through comparisons with others. Whereas knowing our position may give us some sense of importance (particularly if that position is high in some hierarchy), it is no substitute for the comfort and security that comes from knowing what feels like home to us. Look around you. And answer the question: is this where you belong? Where might  “home” be for you?

Whom do I love?

It is part of our human nature to become attached to things. But if we allow this perspective to dominate our lives, we end up defining ourselves exclusively in terms of our possessions. When that happens, who we are becomes blurred with the question what do I own? This kind of imbalance happens all too early in our materialistic culture. To offset or balance this, and to create more balance in our lives, we need to look into our hearts for an answer to the question whom do I love? When we know that, we put ourselves in a better position to make choices that serve our best selves instead of being influenced by an urge to preserve what we own. The great stories of this world are full of examples of men and women who chose love over property and possessions, and in doing so found happiness.

Who loves me?

In our society, it can be tempting to base our self-esteem entirely on our resumes. Most of us learn to ask ourselves what am I worth? to measure our value to others. But if we allow this view to be dominant, it leads to an identity built purely on foundations of achievement and performance. Emotionally and spiritually, this approach can leave us feeling hollow and unfulfilled. To balance our self-esteem, we need to devote ourselves equally to being open to the love of others and to measuring our worth not only by our accomplishments, but in terms of who loves us and why?

How can I be true to myself?

The answers we have written to the questions above will dictate our success with the sixth question. Once we know the answers to the first five questions, we have the basis, the raw data we need to begin forming our visions. The sixth question draws upon our character, giving us the strength we need to stay true to ourselves, either in the face of disapproval from those we love or from our own self doubts.

After working with the first five questions, many people find that the images of their “real” selves are starting to come together, but may be a bit shaky at first. This is precisely when character is most needed – to protect the seed of that vision until it is strong enough to reveal itself. If we turn away from all that we have learned, we are only betraying ourselves. While it is natural to want reassurance and approval, the sixth question keeps us accountable to our own visions. Think about the traits and tendencies you have learned about – how can you recognize and avoid your own traps? How can you keep derailing from you own vision?

 

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

 

Hamlet – William Shakespeare

 

Extracted from the book “The six questions that can CHANGE your life” by Joseph Nowinski PhD