Viktor Frankl, the existentialist philosopher,
said “Between a stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our
freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth
and happiness”. Are we aware of this space at all times? I am afraid not. The
word “responsibility” means ability to respond. But are we always in a position
to appropriately respond? My personal experiences say otherwise.
I was driving one morning to work and had
to drive through a narrow lane to reach the building entry gate. As always,
people were walking on both sides of the road and I was literally crawling at 5
Kmph speed. I accidentally brushed a person – perhaps his trouser – and I
immediately raised my hand in apology and moved on as it apparently did not
bother him. As I moved past him, he suddenly opened the passenger side front
door with raised fists and shouted at me “I am going to thrash you. You hit me
and are driving ahead!” However, I calmly looked at him and told him in a
gentle voice “Please get into the car” as I did not want traffic snarl that
being a peak hour. He was taken aback and he profusely apologized for his
behaviour. I gently urged him to sit in the car which he did. Till I entered my
building which was only a couple of minutes away, he was pleading sorry for his
behaviour.
Once inside the building, I stopped the car
and asked him gently “Are you going for an interview?” He replied in the
affirmative. I told him “Imagine what will happen if you come to my company for
an interview?” He was now literally in tears and continued to plead. I patted
him on his back and told him to calm down and advised him to take rest for 15
minutes before going for the interview. All this happened in a few minutes and even
now I am amazed at the way I handled the entire episode with full awareness,
clarity, calmness and compassion. I could have also shouted at him and created
a scene etc.
Now fast forward to another incident. The
same Zen master “me” drove to a wedding hall. The entry gate was farther away
from my house and I took the easier way out and tried to enter the hall through
the exit gate as it was nearer to my house and as there was no traffic at all.
The security chap, quite rightly, refused permission stating the obvious and I
would have turned back the car when he let a scooter pass through the same gate
– perhaps it was an employee for all you know. On seeing this, big “ME” was
hurt and I exploded at the poor chap shouting expletives at him. And if you
have your wife by your side at such scenes, you know what happens. She feels
deeply embarrassed and as always tries to drive sense into you. But the big
“ME” could listen to sagely advice when so badly hurt. I parked the car outside
and stormed into the hall still fuming and menacingly looking at the security
as I went past him.
Now, if you are with me so far, such
incidents do make your day unpleasant and the whole atmosphere becomes
vitiated, if you know what I mean. I went through the motions in the wedding
and as I returned home, better sense prevailed. The Zen “me” took over and blasted
“ME” as to how I could behave in such a fashion at a hapless security chap – perhaps
he was doing his duty. He must have been earning a few thousand rupees to secure
his livelihood. And you are right – I did not sleep well. I got up in the
morning drove down to the hall and there he was discharging his duties. I
hugged him and profusely apologized. He was magnanimous and said “It is OK sir.
I would have let you in but if my supervisor sees me, I will lose my job!”
Now if you look at both incidents, the
former was action and the latter was reaction! Unfortunately most of us react and
hardly act. Once you act you are in control, focused and your chances of
succeeding in an endeavor are pretty bright. More than anything else there is
peace and happiness all round. And your life is but a series of actions (or
reactions) and this determines your quality of life. As Jean Paul Sartre said
“You are your choices!”
Do you normally act or react?
