ISLAM - A Perspective (5.Humanity is One)

Once when Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was seated in a discussion with his friends, a funeral procession of a Jew passed by. The prophet (pbuh) immediately stood up as a mark of respect. His companions asked him “Why did you stand up? After all he was a Jew.” “He is a human being too”, responded the Prophet (pbuh). This incident reaffirms the fact that even though people may follow different religions, they are equal.

Once, Abu Dhar Ghifari, one of the Prophet’s (pbuh) earliest companions, addressed a black person derisively as a person born to a black woman. That person complained about this to the Prophet (pbuh). The Prophet (pbuh) called Abu Dhar and asked him to apologize to that person. This again reiterates that there is no difference in humans based on one’s birth.

“Humans are all equal as the teeth of a comb”, said the prophet (pbuh). If the teeth in a comb are not uniform and are uneven, they may hurt your scalp. Similarly, if we create inequalities in a society, that would hurt that society.

 “O Mankind, reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person.” (Holy Quran 4:1)

“O Mankind, We created you from a single pair of male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other, not that ye may despise each other. Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” (Holy Quran 49:13)

The above revelations imply a number of truths.  

1.    The entire human race can be traced back to one man and woman, who are the first parents. If that is the case, how can be one child of a mother superior to another child of the same mother? No one had the option to be born into a particular religion or a race or community!

2.    The human race which thus started from a single source later on spread across the globe dividing itself into multiple races, communities, groups etc. Based on the environment in which they lived, their external appearances changed and evolved over time. These external differences are only to identify the different races and not to create inequalities!

3.    One who lives his life in fear of God with discipline alone is the dearest to God!

4.    God created all human beings. Hence, God shows the same love and mercy towards all human beings. HE does not discriminate based on Religion, language, birth, colour, sex, or nationality. God delivers his judgment based purely on the good deeds done by humans.

5.    Man does not bring anything when he is born. He also does not take anything with him when he dies. Hence, birth and death are common to every human being.

6.    When God who created man is ONE, his creation, the human race can only be one too! (Holy Quran)

When Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) started his preaching in Arabia, inequalities were at its peak in the society there. The Arabs were considered superior while the non-Arabs were called ‘Ajami’ meaning ‘dumb’. The ‘Qureshi’ tribe was considered superior to all other tribes. The blacks were treated as slaves and were tortured. During ‘Haj’ pilgrimage, the tribes that considered themselves superior did not join the other tribes in the worship. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) changed this state of affairs and established an egalitarian society.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) appointed Bilal, his companion who was a slave, as the first muezzin. He encouraged inter-tribe marriages. He also got his relative Zaynab marry Zayd though Zayd was from a slave community. He appointed Usama, who belonged to a slave community, as his commander. Thus he paved the way for marriages between tribes perceived to be superior and inferior.

How the Prophet (pbuh) achieved this in a matter of 23 years is a matter of introspection for us and should be our guiding principles. Initially he brought about a change in the mindset of the people. As far as social evils are concerned, enacting laws alone will not yield results unless we bring about a change in the thinking and mindset of people. He also initiated this change in thought process through the medium of worship. The prayers, especially, laid the foundation and served as a training ground for fostering this unity. The prayers, held five times a day, enabled people to stand shoulder-to-shoulder without any differences, and made a big impact in bringing about this change. During prayers, no one is given any preference or priority. During Haj pilgrimage, the Prophet (pbuh) established a process or method to bring about unity among different nationalities irrespective of race, language or colour.

The Prophet’s (pbuh) teachings and actions annihilated the pride of the Qureshi tribe that considered themselves superior. He gave self-confidence to the people who were descendants of slaves, gave them positions of authority and instilled in them the belief that they were inferior to none. He brought about unity among the people who were divided among themselves. He neither allowed one group to fight against another nor allowed any prejudice to develop.   

“He joined your hearts in love, so that by HIS Grace, ye became brethren;” (Holy Quran 3:103)

ISLAM - A Perspective (4.Communal Harmony)

“You say that Islam propagates peace; but in most of the Islamic Republics violence keeps erupting every now and then. Terrorism has become a way of daily life in most of these countries,” seems to be the legitimate question raised by many. “You say that religions advocate peace; then why is that there are so many conflicts in the name of religion?” is the question generally addressed to the people who follow any religion.

The answer to religious conflicts and terrorism is one and the same. People do not follow the values and tenets or principles that religions teach. Instead they use religion as a mere identification, collection of rituals and as a tool to dominate others. This has led to the present situation. We shall briefly see what Islam has to offer to tackle these two issues that are disrupting peace world over.  

Unity in diversity

The different religions and principles are an inseparable part of history. There is a convergence of views between different religions as also divergence. Even within the same religion, there are differing views. Therefore, unity in diversity is the only practical solution feasible. This would lead to unity. The society that Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) created in Medina was a pluralistic society. There were Muslims as also Jews. In the city of Najran, just outside Medina, Christians lived. All of them lived together without any conflict.

Do not hurt the Feelings

One of the main reasons for religious conflicts is because people denigrate and malign other religions. On one side, the religious folks attack each other. On the other, in the name of freedom of expression, the incidence of people without any religious affiliations attacking religions is on the increase. People stoop to defame religious leaders, who are held in high esteem by their communities, by depicting them in cartoons and obscene pictures. Mostly these are not constructive and rational criticisms. Such people indulge in this just to gain some cheap popularity and increasing the sales. They forget that the freedom of expression comes with a responsibility. They also forget that all such freedom is not without limits!

The Holy Quran ordains us to desist from hurting the feelings. “Revile not ye those whom they call upon besides Allah, lest they out of spite revile Allah in their ignorance.” (Holy Quran 6:108). We can critique a religion without igniting passions and in a logical manner appealing to the intellect. We can also espouse the cause of our own religion in an eloquent and gracious manner. “Invite (all) to the way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious.” (Holy Quran 16:125). The Holy Quran has also critiqued other philosophies but without hurting their sentiments and belittling or demeaning them in anyway.

Do not get emotional about criticisms

When someone criticizes or attacks your religion, do not get emotional, advises Islam. Just as any idea or a view-point has support, so also it is natural to have opposition for that as well. People who are happy when receiving endorsements about their view-points should also be patient when they get opposing and differing views. When people lose patience and indulge in violent activities, peace in society is bound to be disrupted. Their principles get weakened and receive a setback as well.

When Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) propagated Islam, people ridiculed him and the tenets he preached. He was vilified as a ‘liar’, ‘sorcerer’ and of unsound mind. They said that Holy Quran was written by someone and taught to the Prophet (pbuh). They further added that he was lying that the Holy Quran was revealed to him by God. They scoffed at him saying that this was a myth from their ancestors. They created poems chiding him. Even after all these incidents, the prophet (pbuh) never once asked his followers to attack his detractors, and even after assuming the leadership of Medina he did not do so. He advised his followers to be patient and act in accordance with the will of God. He also exhorted them to ignore fools and respond with logical and rational arguments tempered with reasoning.

God says thus in the Holy Quran

“Ye shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in your personal selves; and ye shall hear much that will grieve you, from those who received the book before you and those who worship many Gods. But if ye preserve patiently, and guard against evil, then that will be determining factor in all affairs.” (Holy Quran 3:186)

“And have patience with what they say, and leave them with noble (dignity). And leave Me (alone to deal with) those with possession of good things of life, who yet deny the Truth; and bear with them for a little while.” (Holy Quran 73:10,11)

“And the servants of Allah, the most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, “Peace!” (Holy Quran 25:63)

From the above sayings it is clear that when one’s religion is attacked, one needs to act with patience and dignity. Then one needs to engage in debates with rational arguments based on reasoning.

The arguments that the Prophet (pbuh) created the Holy Quran were countered with the following arguments. “He has been living amidst you for years. He has never uttered a falsehood. He cannot read and write. How can a person who cannot read or write create the Holy Quran which is in a poetic style? If you have doubts whether the Holy Quran is God’s revelation, bring a book that is matching in such poetic style as the Holy Quran.” The Prophet (pbuh) directed the poets among his followers to respond to these fault-finders in a poetic form.

Hence when the principles and religion we follow are attacked, we should not be guided by our emotions and take law into our hands. Instead, we should approach it in a rational and logical manner. We should be able to identify and expose those who are criticizing for the sake of publicity. In case there is some truth in what those detractors say, then we should also be willing to accept the truth.   

ISLAM - A Perspective (3. Peace)

‘ISLAM’ is an Arabic word, which literally carries the meaning of ‘peace’ as also ‘submission’ / ‘self-surrender’. If you submit to GOD’s commandments, you will be peaceful. If you fail to surrender to HIS will, then you will be bereft of peace. The word ‘Islam’, therefore, signifies this great truth. The people who follow Islam are called Muslims. The Arabic word Muslim also carries the meaning as to one who is in a state or condition of submission to God’s will and therefore is peaceful. (The word Islam and Muslim have the same root letters s,l,m). To attain peace and to give peace are a Muslim’s primary duties.

‘A person who does not harm others either through words or deed alone is a true Muslim’. ‘A person who safeguards lives and possessions of other people alone is a true believer’. ‘A person who has a sumptuous feast while his neighbour is hungry is not a true believer’. These are some of the sayings of the Prophet (pbuh) that further endorse the basic meaning of Islam as peace. 

Some people call Islam as Mohammadan religion and call Muslims as Mohammadans. However, these words have slowly faded away from usage. If we accept the term ‘Mohammadan religion’, then it follows that Islam was founded by Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), which is not true. As we have seen earlier, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was the last Prophet. He came to expound the truths that were already told by the earlier Prophets.

Say ye: “We believe in Allah, and the revelation given to us, and to Abraham, Ismail, Isaac, Jacob and the Tribes, and that given to Moses and Jesus, and that given to (all) prophets from their Lord: we make no difference between one and another of them: And we bow to Allah (In Islam)” (Holy Quran 2:136)

From the above verse it is clear that the Prophet (pbuh) did not initiate a new religion. Mohammadan would imply that Muslims worship Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). But truth be told, Muslims do not worship Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). They worship the only God. They regard Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) to be a messenger of God and as a role model to be followed. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) always maintained that he was also human and that he would die one day.

Islam was created by God. It is, therefore, true that it is not linked to any particular person or race. In this universe, all creations, both animate and inanimate, except man act as ordained by God. They do not have the capacity, knowledge or freedom to deviate from these laid down laws. The Earth rotates at its pre-determined velocity. It cannot deviate from its pre-determined path, speed and time. This rule is applicable to everything that exists in this universe except man. Hence all these creations, perhaps except man, are acting peacefully.

Man alone has been bestowed with the privilege of thinking and acting as per his will. When man attempts to misuse this privilege, then he loses peace. ‘Drinking is the mother of all evils’ said God. Instead, man converted that as the mother of all earnings. This has resulted in family quarrels, divorces, murder, loot and sexual violence. ‘People are progeny of a single man and woman. Therefore all are equal’ said God. However, man created all types of inequalities. The result is that society is divided on class or communal lines with incessant conflicts. ‘Don’t even go near shameful acts’, said God. Man stepped beyond his limits engaging in prostitution, illegitimate and forbidden relationships resulting in sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS and deteriorating moral standards. Hence God addressed these people saying ‘and peace to all who follow guidance’. (Holy Quran 20:47)

Man will attain three types of benefits if he follows the commandments of the Lord.  They are peace with God, peace with creation and peace with self. Islam shows the way for all these three types of peace.

1. Peace with God

Accepting the only God, worshipping HIM and surrendering to HIS commandments will lead us to peace with God. HE has created us as the crown jewel of creation and has provided us with capabilities, means of livelihood and guidance. Therefore, if we remember HIM and be grateful, we shall be peaceful. When HIS likes become our likes and when his dislikes become our dislikes, then we become worthy of God’s love. ‘By remembering God, mind becomes peaceful’. (Holy Quran)

2. Peace with creation

We can be at peace with all of creation if we accept that all men, nations and languages are equal; grant human rights; discharge our duties and responsibilities properly; act with justice and be loving.

3. Peace with Self

We can attain peace with ourselves if we keep our mind and body pure. We need to discard some of the negative thoughts or traits like being overly materialistic, being obsessed with one’s position, ostentation, arrogance, jealousy and a vindictive attitude. Instead, if we cultivate love, compassion, truthfulness, forgiving attitude, sacrifice in our mind, then our mind will become peaceful. ‘Truly he succeeds that purifies it’. (Holy Quran 91:9)

We can attain also attain peace of mind if we keep our bodies also clean like our mind. We need to abstain from drinking, drugs, smoking, illegitimate and prohibited relationships. We also should not indulge in self-harm. ‘Make not your own hands contribute to your own destruction’. (Holy Quran 2:195)

Islam advocates greeting each other with the phrase ‘As-salam Alaikum’ which means ‘peace be unto you’. Islam also reiterates that we need to greet in the same manner when we finish our prayers as also while entering the house. Islam, therefore, endeavours to create a peaceful man and a peaceful society.

ISLAM - A Perspective (Prophet Muhammad-pbuh)

Muhammad (pbuh) was born around 570 CE to Abdullah and Aminah. He was a posthumous child. He lost his mother also before he was six. When he was a young boy, he was a cowherd. When he was 10, he was involved in his paternal uncle’s business and visited Syria as a part of the trade delegation. In his 25^th year, he became well known in Mecca for his qualities of integrity, honesty and discipline. He came to be called AL-Amin (the trustworthy) and AS-Sadiq (the truthful) by the people. People entrusted their valuables to him for safe keeping. In case of any disputes, people accepted him as their arbiter.

Impressed with Muhammad’s (pbuh) integrity, Khadija one of Arabia’s distinguished and well known baroness, entrusted her business to him as a caretaker. Later, attracted by his personality and charisma, she married him. Khadija was already twice widowed at that time and she was 40 while Muhammad (pbuh) was only 25.

Around his 35^th year Muhammad (pbuh) spent lot of his time in a cave known as mount Hira near Mecca. In solitude, he spent his time on contemplation. He reflected upon the evils, injustices and false beliefs prevailing in Mecca then. In the year 610 CE, in his 40^th year, during one such contemplation, the holy scriptures were revealed to him.

“Proclaim! In the name of thy Lord and cherisher, who created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood: Proclaim! And thy Lord is most bountiful, HE who taught (the use of) the pen, taught man that which he knew not.” (Holy Quran 96:1-5)

When Muhammad (pbuh) heard these dialogues, he was shivering with fear. He became confused. He was overcome with fright as to whether he was possessed by some evil spirit. Again he heard the words “Muhammad, you are a messenger of God. I am angel Gabriel. Therefore Proclaim.” Muhammad (pbuh) responded “I do not know how to proclaim!” Again the voice reiterated “Proclaim!” He returned home perturbed. However, his wife assuaged him with the words “Do not worry. I shall be by your side always as a source of strength. No harm will come upon you. You are giving plenty as alms to the poor. You are supporting the orphans, widows and the destitute. God will not abandon you”.

She then took her husband to her relative Waraqah bin Nawfal, a Christian scholar. After hearing out Muhammad (pbuh), Waraqah responded “Muhammad, it was indeed the angel Gabriel that commanded you. He was the angel that commanded Moses as well. Your people will criticize you as a liar. They may persecute you. They may even banish you from your city”.

After this event, Muhammad (pbuh) gained the status of a Prophet. Just like the earlier prophets, the holy scriptures were revealed to him in stages. It started in 610 CE and continued for 23 years till 632 CE. He started disseminating this in secret initially but later did it openly. His teachings primarily focused on telling people to discard false beliefs handed down by their ancestors, worship the only God, do away with social inequalities, and not earn wealth through inappropriate means. He was against drinking, gambling and usury. He also spoke about giving rights to women, abolishing slavery, not exploiting the poor and treat orphans with dignity. He also proclaimed that the poor had a right to the wealth of the rich. 

These teachings were not well received by the influential and the wealthy leaders of the time. They believed that these teachings would put an end to their political, social and economic well being. They were disturbed that they would lose the wealth that they were earning by administering the Kaaba. They feared that Muhammad (pbuh) may even assume leadership of Arabia. Hence they fiercely opposed Muhammad (pbuh) and his followers. They tortured them to the extent it became unbearable.

Seeing the cruelty being inflicted on his followers, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) sent a group of his followers to nearby Abyssinia (in Ethiopia). He also told them that the Christian King who was ruling that country, Najashi, was a good man and would protect them. The Christian king also gave them refuge. 

In the year 620 CE, 13 years after he had started his preaching, he could see light at the end of the tunnel. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) got an invitation from the people of a city called Yathrib (presently Medina) which was about 200 miles away from Mecca. They declared that they would follow his teachings, provide him with security and accept him as their leader. Accepting this offer, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) migrated permanently to Medina along with his followers. This incident is referred to as ‘Hijra’. This event also marks the beginning of the Islamic year and calendar. This also turned out be a turning point in his life. The people of Medina accepted Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) as their political and religious leader. Those days, there were people who did not accept Islam as also Jews. The Prophet created a common political manifesto for all concerned. The Jews were given full freedom to pursue their religion and culture.

The people of Mecca, who could not bear the growth and popularity of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), started wars on Medina many times and failed. Finally a truce treaty was signed between both parties in the year 628 CE. This was called ‘The treaty of Hudaybiyyah’. After this event, Islam spread fast to various parts of the Arab peninsula. The people of Mecca, at times, violated the peace treaty. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) marched towards Mecca with about 10,000 soldiers and instead of retaliating, granted them amnesty. He assured them that there would not be any retribution. Realizing Prophet Muhammad’s (pbuh) magnanimity, the people of Mecca also embraced Islam.

In the year 632 CE, in his last year of earthly sojourn, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) came to Mecca along with his followers and completed his Hajj duties and released a ‘Declaration of Human Rights’ (which would be discussed in detail later). Later that year, at 63, he passed away. During his time, Islam spread to about 10 lakh square miles and about 5 lakh people embraced Islam.

      

ISLAM - A Perspective (1.Overview)

God not only created man, but also bestowed him with means of livelihood and guidance in the form of rules of conduct. Without this clear guidance mankind cannot lead a peaceful and virtuous life in this world. Hence God chose a few sacred persons as his messengers and imparted these guidelines through them. They were called “Messengers of God” or Prophets. They were humans. They never claimed to be an incarnation of God or to possess any divine features, qualities or attributes.

Adam was the first man. He was also the first prophet. Even the first man needs divine guidance! After Adam, different prophets preached the religion of God in different eras in different countries. Nuh, Ibrahim, Yacoob, Moses, Jesus were the prophets who were pre-eminent among them. In the Holy Quran names of twenty five prophets have been mentioned. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) mentions that 1,24,000 prophets have been engaged in spreading this message of God over the years. In that list of prophets, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was the last prophet.

‘God is one. Worship the creator. Being obedient to HIS commandments is the purpose of man’s creation. Even after death, we will be resurrected and will be rewarded or punished based on our actions’ was the message of all the prophets. (Like Christianity, Islam also talks about ‘The Judgment Day’. ‘On a mighty day, a day when (all) mankind will stand before the Lord of the worlds’ – Holy Quran 83:4-6).

 

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was born in Arabia which consisted of 10 lakh square miles of deserts. The people were mostly nomadic tribes. They lived their life traveling in search of water and agricultural lands. Mecca and Medina were the two most important cities of the Arabian desert. Mecca was a commercial centre while Medina was an agrarian settlement. They lived as different groups of tribes. They frequently engaged in wars amongst themselves. Their focus was mainly on the security and welfare of their tribes.

The Arabs did not have a leadership during those days. They possessed admirable qualities like valour, trustworthiness and hospitality. They were very much interested in poetry and literature. However, at the same time, they were also engaged in activities like drinking, gambling, usury and robbery. Women were treated as slaves. Bonded labour was also in vogue. Social inequalities and social class feelings were widely prevalent. They were also polytheists. But they believed that the one who created and sustained them was Allah. Kaaba, in Mecca, was considered to be an important place of worship. There were 360 idols in that place of worship.

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was born in Mecca around 570 CE in such circumstances.

Notes:

1     pbuh – stands for ‘peace be upon him’. The Arabic phrase ‘alayhi as-salām’ which translates as ‘peace be upon him’ is a conventionally complimentary phrase attached to the names of prophets in Islam. This is an expression of reverence and respect for them. Hence this abbreviation is used in English.

2    English translation of the Holy Quran by Yusuf Ali is being used to quote verses from the Holy book.

3    Words in Italics, in a different font and within brackets are my own additions, for the sake of clarity.

  

ISLAM - A Perspective (Introduction)

India is an ancient nation. It is a nation that has given a number of religions and philosophies to the world. It is a nation that has embraced other religions that have come from outside its fold too. But for certain unfortunate incidents that have transpired during the recent past, India has been practicing religious tolerance over the years. Apart from that, it is a pluralistic society that nurtured many languages, races and cultural traditions. 

America and the European nations turned pluralistic societies only during the last century. Till then they were not one. However, India has been a pluralistic society since ages. In such a pluralistic society, living together and dependent on other communities becomes necessary. Religious tolerance and harmony become basic requirements.  Knowing and understanding other religions’ beliefs, philosophies, methods of worship, cultural traditions, values, problems and respecting their feelings will lead to harmony.  

The best way to understand a religion or philosophy is to read the source texts in the language they were written. However, it may not be possible for everyone to do that. Hence, we should attempt to understand them through articles, books, translations of the source texts written by well known scholars of that religion. Only after that should we attempt to read books that critique a religion.  However, we tend to do it the other way round. Similarly, trying to understand a religion by the actions of a few individuals or groups will also lead us to a wrong understanding of that religion.

To understand a religion correctly, reading with an open mind is necessary. We need to remove all ideas and notions about that religion that we already have and read with the sole aim of understanding the Truth. Otherwise, we will tend to collect evidences for the ideas and notions that we already have without truly understanding the essence.  

I know that a lot of people are curious and interested in knowing about Islam. Many news items continue to appear in the media about Islam and Muslims. Mostly they are negative news. People come to conclusions about Islam and Muslims based on such news covering ISIS, Al-Queda, Boko Haram, various bomb blasts, attack on the twin towers in the US, Osama Bin Laden, Shia-Sunni conflicts, attack on news papers, intimidation of writers, Love Jihad etc. This undermines the relationship between communities.  

My intent is that this book must make people understand Islam and enable fostering communal harmony. There are a number of areas in Islam like basic tenets, beliefs, methods of worship, cultural traditions, ethics of living, Prophet, Koran, Women’s rights, forcible conversions that have been misunderstood. We shall see briefly yet lucidly about these areas in these series of articles.

Sri. Cho Ramaswamy, Editor Thuglak magazine, with all good intentions, has been stating that such series of articles should be published. He reiterated it in the recently concluded annual day celebrations of Thuglak as well. This series of articles is a result of such a request.

Dr. K V S Habib Mohamed

Chennai

May, 2016

Note: This is an English translation of the book written by Dr. Habib

Humor in Uniform

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not and a sense of humour to console him for what he is!” How true. Anyone who can appreciate humour or has a sense of humour is blessed. This is a natural antidote to stress and builds relationships. As a young boy, the moment I took a Reader’s Digest in my hands, I immediately turned to the ‘Humour in Uniform’ page to enjoy the anecdotes. I am sharing some of my experiences over the years that were really hilarious and at times bailed me out of difficult situations too.

I had the daunting task of making a presentation to a senior management team of a Bank from UK right after lunch – not the ideal time to make a presentation about your capabilities. But having no choice, I started my presentation in right earnest. Right opposite to me in the front was seated the Executive Director of the Bank, a short man with a kind face watching me intently. I was eloquently narrating about the need to have business analysts with banking knowledge to support technical teams. He gently interrupted me and asked “What type of consultants do you have?” I wrestled with the response for a few seconds – should I give him a standard response or give him a story. The problem with telling stories is that if it bombs, it is mighty difficult to recover your position. I took a chance and narrated the following story that was doing the rounds those days. Remember that, this was sometime in the year 2001 and pre-WhatsApp days where stories did not become stale so easily! 

A shepherd was grazing his sheep on a farm when a suit clad consultant in a four wheel drive approached him and volunteered that he would tell the shepherd how many sheep he had. He added that if the numbers were right, he would take one of the sheep. The poor shepherd agreed, albeit a little perplexed at this intrusion. The consultant pulled out his laptop, worked furiously using his internet etc., and responded that the shepherd had 2873 sheep to be precise. The shepherd was amazed and the proud consultant took a sheep and was about to board his car. The shepherd gently stopped the consultant and told him, “I can tell you where you are from”. It was the turn of the consultant to be startled now. He said “Go on” and the shepherd responded “You are from Anderson Consulting.” The consultant was really flabbergasted and asked him as to how he found out. “Easy, sir” came the reply. “I have three reasons – you came here without my calling, you are giving me information that I already know and you don’t even know what I am dealing with because you have taken away my dog!” I gently added, “We have better consultants than that!” I don’t know what happened to that ED. The story must have struck a chord for he laughed almost until tears flowed down his eyes. He stopped, looked at me in the eyes and said “Ganesh, I will sign the deal with you, but you must send me a joke every day!’. Ultimately we won the deal and this impact was being recounted by my colleagues even a decade later.

On another occasion, I was making a presentation and it was past lunch time. My boss suggested that we have a “working lunch” and that I should continue the presentation. The clients agreed. I mockingly remonstrated that while they would be having “lunch”, I would be “working” which would not be fair! The clients had a hearty laugh and said that I could finish my presentation and then we could have our lunch. These spontaneous quips are God sent and helps reduce tension at times.

On another occasion, we had a large contingent from a UK bank and an equal number were present from our side. This was a do or die meeting for us and grapevine had it that we may be losing this account to competition. You could feel the tension in the air. The meeting started with all of us introducing ourselves. My colleagues to my right started their introduction and all three of them parroted the same lines, “I am an Engineer and an MBA and play this role”. When my turn came, I said “Fortunately I am neither an Engineer nor a MBA. I am a Banker”. There were peals of laughter all around and much to our relief, the client and our team relaxed focusing on the job at hand. In case you are curious, we did retain that account!

At times language usage causes some funny situations. I visited Malaysia frequently for meetings. I had a female colleague there who was most helpful in matters relating to Visas. She got married and after about a couple of years, she had a baby girl. The next time I visited, I took a gift for the little one. A couple of years rolled by and she had a baby boy this time. I happened to visit Malaysia immediately thereafter. On seeing me, she was excited and said “Mr. Ganesh, last time when you came I got a baby girl, this time when you came, I got a baby boy!” I had a hearty laugh and pleaded with her not to say this to anyone else lest I be misunderstood! Similarly in Far East, they use the word ‘last time’ to mean yesterday, last year or a 100 years ago. My friend, who had joined our sales team in Singapore, and I went to a client’s meeting. On our return, we took a cab and asked the driver to take us to office. He politely asked me which route to take. I indicated my preference and he immediately responded “Last time also we took this route.” My friend was stunned since it was his first visit but I reassured him that last time was his last time and not ours! Similarly in the US, at times African Americans, use double negative. For example they say” I don’t know nothing man!” Funny, I suppose for folks like me.

To use humor effectively and spontaneously, we need to be aware of our surroundings too. Once I was making a presentation in Texas. We reached the venue early and were surprised to see a lot of guns and pistols on display in the conference room. I started my presentation and my colleague, who was managing the flow of slides, repeatedly was moving the slides much before I could finish each slide. In exasperation, I almost shouted at her “Just because you are in Texas and seen guns here, doesn’t mean you have to be trigger happy!” It took a while for the uproar to die down.  Needless to say, the Texans loved it.

Humour can also bail you out of tricky situations at times. I was in a project review meeting overseas where our team had botched up a deliverable. The client was angry and senior managers from the bank were present. As soon as introductions were over, one executive asked me “What does Ganesh mean?” Not one to let go of such an opening, I quipped, “Remover of all obstacles, and I am here to remove all of yours!” They all had a smile on their face and the meeting turned out to be not as bad as I had anticipated.

The flip side to humor is that if you cannot deliver it with right timing and self-assurance, you may get into trouble, especially during an important presentation. If it fails to evoke the desired response, recovering thereafter might need a lot more energy and confidence. You need to prepare some stories in advance and with practice you can spontaneously crack some jokes based on the moment. But jokes with racist, religious, sexist or political overtones are a strict no-no in business meetings. This skill which, in my view, is a powerful arsenal in one’s repertoire should be developed by observation and practiced in day-to-day situations. 

After all, who does not like to have smile amidst all the stress and strife in today’s competitive corporate world!