Humor in Uniform

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not and a sense of humour to console him for what he is!” How true. Anyone who can appreciate humour or has a sense of humour is blessed. This is a natural antidote to stress and builds relationships. As a young boy, the moment I took a Reader’s Digest in my hands, I immediately turned to the ‘Humour in Uniform’ page to enjoy the anecdotes. I am sharing some of my experiences over the years that were really hilarious and at times bailed me out of difficult situations too.

I had the daunting task of making a presentation to a senior management team of a Bank from UK right after lunch – not the ideal time to make a presentation about your capabilities. But having no choice, I started my presentation in right earnest. Right opposite to me in the front was seated the Executive Director of the Bank, a short man with a kind face watching me intently. I was eloquently narrating about the need to have business analysts with banking knowledge to support technical teams. He gently interrupted me and asked “What type of consultants do you have?” I wrestled with the response for a few seconds – should I give him a standard response or give him a story. The problem with telling stories is that if it bombs, it is mighty difficult to recover your position. I took a chance and narrated the following story that was doing the rounds those days. Remember that, this was sometime in the year 2001 and pre-WhatsApp days where stories did not become stale so easily! 

A shepherd was grazing his sheep on a farm when a suit clad consultant in a four wheel drive approached him and volunteered that he would tell the shepherd how many sheep he had. He added that if the numbers were right, he would take one of the sheep. The poor shepherd agreed, albeit a little perplexed at this intrusion. The consultant pulled out his laptop, worked furiously using his internet etc., and responded that the shepherd had 2873 sheep to be precise. The shepherd was amazed and the proud consultant took a sheep and was about to board his car. The shepherd gently stopped the consultant and told him, “I can tell you where you are from”. It was the turn of the consultant to be startled now. He said “Go on” and the shepherd responded “You are from Anderson Consulting.” The consultant was really flabbergasted and asked him as to how he found out. “Easy, sir” came the reply. “I have three reasons – you came here without my calling, you are giving me information that I already know and you don’t even know what I am dealing with because you have taken away my dog!” I gently added, “We have better consultants than that!” I don’t know what happened to that ED. The story must have struck a chord for he laughed almost until tears flowed down his eyes. He stopped, looked at me in the eyes and said “Ganesh, I will sign the deal with you, but you must send me a joke every day!’. Ultimately we won the deal and this impact was being recounted by my colleagues even a decade later.

On another occasion, I was making a presentation and it was past lunch time. My boss suggested that we have a “working lunch” and that I should continue the presentation. The clients agreed. I mockingly remonstrated that while they would be having “lunch”, I would be “working” which would not be fair! The clients had a hearty laugh and said that I could finish my presentation and then we could have our lunch. These spontaneous quips are God sent and helps reduce tension at times.

On another occasion, we had a large contingent from a UK bank and an equal number were present from our side. This was a do or die meeting for us and grapevine had it that we may be losing this account to competition. You could feel the tension in the air. The meeting started with all of us introducing ourselves. My colleagues to my right started their introduction and all three of them parroted the same lines, “I am an Engineer and an MBA and play this role”. When my turn came, I said “Fortunately I am neither an Engineer nor a MBA. I am a Banker”. There were peals of laughter all around and much to our relief, the client and our team relaxed focusing on the job at hand. In case you are curious, we did retain that account!

At times language usage causes some funny situations. I visited Malaysia frequently for meetings. I had a female colleague there who was most helpful in matters relating to Visas. She got married and after about a couple of years, she had a baby girl. The next time I visited, I took a gift for the little one. A couple of years rolled by and she had a baby boy this time. I happened to visit Malaysia immediately thereafter. On seeing me, she was excited and said “Mr. Ganesh, last time when you came I got a baby girl, this time when you came, I got a baby boy!” I had a hearty laugh and pleaded with her not to say this to anyone else lest I be misunderstood! Similarly in Far East, they use the word ‘last time’ to mean yesterday, last year or a 100 years ago. My friend, who had joined our sales team in Singapore, and I went to a client’s meeting. On our return, we took a cab and asked the driver to take us to office. He politely asked me which route to take. I indicated my preference and he immediately responded “Last time also we took this route.” My friend was stunned since it was his first visit but I reassured him that last time was his last time and not ours! Similarly in the US, at times African Americans, use double negative. For example they say” I don’t know nothing man!” Funny, I suppose for folks like me.

To use humor effectively and spontaneously, we need to be aware of our surroundings too. Once I was making a presentation in Texas. We reached the venue early and were surprised to see a lot of guns and pistols on display in the conference room. I started my presentation and my colleague, who was managing the flow of slides, repeatedly was moving the slides much before I could finish each slide. In exasperation, I almost shouted at her “Just because you are in Texas and seen guns here, doesn’t mean you have to be trigger happy!” It took a while for the uproar to die down.  Needless to say, the Texans loved it.

Humour can also bail you out of tricky situations at times. I was in a project review meeting overseas where our team had botched up a deliverable. The client was angry and senior managers from the bank were present. As soon as introductions were over, one executive asked me “What does Ganesh mean?” Not one to let go of such an opening, I quipped, “Remover of all obstacles, and I am here to remove all of yours!” They all had a smile on their face and the meeting turned out to be not as bad as I had anticipated.

The flip side to humor is that if you cannot deliver it with right timing and self-assurance, you may get into trouble, especially during an important presentation. If it fails to evoke the desired response, recovering thereafter might need a lot more energy and confidence. You need to prepare some stories in advance and with practice you can spontaneously crack some jokes based on the moment. But jokes with racist, religious, sexist or political overtones are a strict no-no in business meetings. This skill which, in my view, is a powerful arsenal in one’s repertoire should be developed by observation and practiced in day-to-day situations. 

After all, who does not like to have smile amidst all the stress and strife in today’s competitive corporate world! 

Gut Feeling

Dreams are forever and mine took me to the land of opportunities in 1993. At 40, I landed in the United States, the ultimate destination for many. But I had my apprehensions – “Will this work out?” The initial days were one of awe, excitement, home sickness akin to a roller-coaster ride alternating between euphoria and depression. “Was this shift worth after all?” seemed to be the one question that was on my mind on most of the days. However, the new location, job on hand, new friends kept me busy and going. These thoughts came back to haunt me during the week ends. I had left my family back home on the condition that I would take them to the US, should I decide to settle down there permanently.

But after 6 months of stay there, I strongly felt that this was not the country where I would spend the rest of my life. Now, don’t get me wrong. US is a great place and my employer and friends there treated me with lot of respect and courtesy. Nor was there any pressure from back home to return. It was my own gut feeling, which for reasons I could not put my finger on, made my stay there uneasy and wanting to return home. I announced my decision to my Indian friends in the US that at the end my 3 year stay in the US, I would be returning to India. All of them had a hearty laugh and quipped, “Folks who said like this when they arrived in the US, have been here for the past 10 years!” I became a butt of their jokes.

I managed to not only survive, but enjoyed my three year stint in the US. It exposed me to an exciting world with travels across the US, a completely different work ethic than what I was used to and the local team, of which I was part of, was quite awesome. I met some talented individuals and I am in touch with some of them even today though I have not met them for the past 20 years or so. I was their ‘go to man’ in times of personal crisis – being the wise man from the East - so much so, one of them gave me the title “Maharishi!” At the end of the three year period, I made my grand announcement of my intention to return to India. Initially my employer tried to persuade me to stay back, but later they were happy for me for they felt that “home is where is your heart is!” and my heart was certainly in India. Sare Jahaan se Achha, Hindustan Hamara!  My Indian friends in the US and those back home were aghast. “How could anyone do this?” they seemed to be asking as most of the Indian friends were trying to move to the US. I had no rational explanation except that I had a strong urge or a gut feeling that I wanted to get back to India! And I have never regretted that decision ever.  

I settled down in good old Chennai amidst the entire din, noise, pollution, honking and the ubiquitous mosquitoes! I don’t remember, but perhaps I actually sang in the bathroom “all is well with the world!” At times in life, events unfold that catch you unawares. One such event threw us off balance when a usual routine investigation revealed that my wife’s kidneys were failing. As recommended by our family physician, we met this renowned nephrologist in Chennai. He was seated in a large room, quite unusual for a doctor, in one of the leading hospitals in Chennai, perhaps proclaiming his status and stature. He was a balding, stern looking gentleman with thick rimmed spectacles. He was curt, went about his work diligently but was far from being anything remotely cordial. He would not divulge anything to us, not even to my father who was a doctor and brusquely set aside his suggestions to do a biopsy.

My family physician read out the nephrologists’ letter and conveyed the bad news that my wife’s kidneys indeed had failed and would not last for more than 3 years. While the news was on expected lines, the 3 year deadline was scary. The visit to the nephrologist had left me restless with a feeling that this was not the doctor whom I would want to meet again. I could understand his idiosyncrasies and also did not doubt his experience and reputation. But somehow, I was uneasy and felt that we needed to see another nephrologist. My family physician was shocked when I told him this, as the nephrologist was one of the leading doctors not only in India but was well known world over. I politely refused and on repeated insistence, had my way and got introduced to our current nephrologist. He did a biopsy immediately and the earlier diagnosis was way off the mark though the kidneys were indeed failing! The treatment followed and to cut the story short, my wife had a good quality of life for the next 16 years due to the different line of treatment given based on the correct diagnosis before it ultimately failed and she had to go for a transplant. I shudder to think what would have happened had I continued with the earlier nephrologist!  

On both these occasions, my decisions based on pure gut feeling were bang on and are among the few of the best decisions I have ever made. I am not suggesting that you need to make decisions based on such feelings alone, but don’t ignore such strong intuitions. What does science say about such gut feelings? Why is such intuition experienced in the body? Neuroanatomical research has revealed that basal ganglia in the brain are the bases of both implicit learning and intuition. It observes everything we do in life, every situation and extracts decision rules. Our life wisdom on any topic is stored in the basal ganglia. It is so primitive that it has zero connectivity to the verbal cortex. It can’t tell us what it knows in words. It tells us in feelings and has got lot of connectivity to the emotional centres of the brain and the gut. It tells us this is right or this is wrong as a gut feeling.

So, my dear friends, intuitions do matter after all!  

Are you a true devotee of the Lord?

There are numerous persons who profess to be rationalists and claim that they are “self-made” and deny the existence of any superior power. Let us keep them aside for the moment. Then, there is a vast majority of us who are “Bhaktas” or devotees of the Good Lord. Now are we really true devotees of the Lord? To answer this question, we need to look at what Lord Krishna says in Chapter 7 of the Bhagavad Gita. He says that those who are devoted to him are the virtuous ones but classifies them into four distinct categories.

The first category is “ārtha” (the distressed) Bhakta. These devotees remember the Lord only in times of distress or a crisis. It could be anything from mitigating your tooth ache to getting you out of some mess. In Kannada, they call it “Sankata Bandre Venkatramana”. The moment the problem disappears, so also his thoughts about the Lord!

The second category is “arthārthī” (Seeker of wealth) Bhakta. He is the person who wants all material benefits and invariably offers a commission to the Lord if he were to be successful in his venture! Starting from a simple coconut to lakhs of rupees is the “offering” in return for the desired result! How ingenious. This need not necessarily be only wealth – it could also be power, position et al. That is why you see politicians rushing to perform Poojas before elections!

These two categories are known as “Sakama” Bhakti indicating that the devotion is for fulfilling material benefits and using the Lord as a means to their end. The Lord, not only answers the prayers of these devotees, but also says that they are dear to him. 

The third category is “Jigñāsu” Bhakta. This person is in quest of knowledge – tries to understand the relationship between himself, the Lord and the Universe. “Who am I?” seems to be his fundamental question. He does not pursue any worldly desires. The Lord says such a Bhakta is dearer to him.

The fourth and final category is “Jñāni” Bhakta. He is the wise one who has understood that the He, the Lord and the Universe are nothing but the manifestations of the Supreme Brahman and that there is nothing but Brahman. He has discovered his identity with the Lord. He is still devoted to the Lord as an act of gratitude. Obviously, this one is the dearest to the Lord. The third and fourth categories are known as “Nishkama” Bhakti indicating that the Lord is not a means but the end in itself. It is moving away from the material to the spiritual realm.

If you look at the above classification, most of us would fall into the first two categories – and the Lord himself says that is not a problem in itself. But, he exhorts us to progress and move from the material to the spiritual reaching the highest level of Bhakti enabling us to reach our destination in life. While all this sounds fine, do we really come across ordinary folks like us who are even close to category 3 or 4? Maybe difficult but not impossible!

This is where Perumal comes in (name changed). He was a winch operator in Palani Hills. I got his reference through a friend and when I visited Palani temple took his help to go around. He was a short man of a medium build in his late fifties with a large forehead and a kind face. The moment we landed on the outer sanctum of a temple, his entire demeanour changed. His eyes glistened; he folded his hands and looked at the “Gopuram” of the temple in awe. He prostrated then and there muttering a prayer. It was as if he was entering the temple for the first time in ages. Being a winch operator, I am sure he must have visited the temple hundreds of times. I generally see temple employees serving in such holy places seeing it as a mere “chore”. Perumal seemed to be an exception. He took us around and at each shrine or place of interest gave us a detailed historical and philosophical perspective of the location keeping us spell bound. My son and daughter-in-law (DIL) were with me too. He spoke to my DIL as if she was his own daughter taking the liberty of calling her “da” as is the custom with most of the parents when they address their daughters. At the end of our visit, my DIL offered him Rs. 500/= as a token of our appreciation. He flatly refused to accept stating that he was paid enough – despite the fact that considering his job, this must have been a fairly large amount. After much persuasion, he accepted it on the condition that he would perform Pooja for the amount in my son and DIL’s name! I could hardly believe that such people existed these days.

I casually enquired about his family and he said his son was employed and that his only daughter had just completed her graduation. On asking about her job prospects, he casually stated “I will bring her and make her stand in front of the Lord. HE will get her a job that she deserves!” he said with absolute conviction. I was stunned! How many of us pray seeking everything from the divine irrespective of whether we deserve it or not? And more importantly, he was supremely confident that HE would take care of her. This is what is termed total surrender. I was moved beyond words – here was a man who was an ordinary winch operator but one who, in my mind, was far more evolved than many people I have ever met. In my humble opinion, Perumal qualifies to be in the 3^rd or 4^th category of Bhakta.

Is it not time we appraise our devotion to the Lord and evolve as a “True Bhakta?”